Desire vs. Love

One of my students: C.F. wrote this amazing essay about desire versus love. It is hilarious, honest, truthful, and brilliant. One of my coworkers said that it was all said to pander to me and my tastes, ideologies, etc... But, who says children cannot possess a certain veracity that adults refuse to acknowledge.

I've been home all day and felt a certain retrospection come upon me. One of my friends, C, said that if I want to be an accomplished playwright, super-hero, then I am. Just because others have acknowledged this fact, does not make it true. Then, after imparting other positive-thinking modules of thought she abruptly stated she had to go. I felt like I had been lured into some semi-multi-marketing scheme and then the switch was pulled on me. I mulled over what was said, looked at the book she gave me, which I find quite hilarious. And, I talked to someone else. I think I was officially put in my place regarding my disrespect for some very sound advice.

So, I sit on my floor in the living room, zabuton underneath my crouched computer typing position thinking about how I'm a superhero. I've watched the day pass from my living room and bedroom. I'm hungry for Thai food. My friends are sick (physically) and my retrospection continues.

I just glanced at this photo of this writer who has finished a fictional piece about the post cyber boom. He was handsome. However, handsome is always past tense unless there is some reality (i.e. an actual conversation face-to-face) to back up your visual feast. I don't believe in beauty. I really think it is a curse. I'm not beautiful, but I have been told I am and I believe that beauty only hurts people. It is truly a tool of deception. If I was blind, I think I would have made completely different choices? Ah, but perhaps it is not what we see, but what attracts us that is deceptive.

Perhaps all the lonely people out there accept beauty as a substitute for love, respect, and a truthful existence. Perhaps it is harder to achieve a true relationship, so we settle for whatever wafts in front of us. I feel like riding a bicycle, and pondering all of this next to the ocean or some large body of water. Instead, I'm surrounded by walls, the sound of melting snow, and slushy streets.

It's time for Thai food.